So are you? Are you desperate for joy?
It was about a year and a half ago that I realized I was desperate for Joy. I was unhappy or disappointed rather in not meeting my standards and expectations in the many roles I carried: mother, wife, deacon, supervisor, girl scout leader, daughter, sister, friend. I kept working hard to do better and be better as if reaching those expectations and standards would bring me happiness. I felt accomplished and proud but not happy. I would read that quote about happiness being a journey not a destination and just be confused. I was participating in the things of my life everyday that I”ve always wanted and yet could not say I was truly happy.
My mother’s death was like a magnifying glass on my lack of happiness. The grief I experienced was bigger and more consuming than I could have imagined. During that time of initial loss it was like my body and emotions had a mind of its own. I didn’t have the mental energy to convince myself that all those things I was doing made me happy. So the curtain dropped and I had no illusion to hide behind. I loved my people and my life but I never planned for the stress and challenges that accompanies our dreams and choices. I was stressed and uptight living up to the expectations and life I created. I wasn’t happy, and so the pursuit began!
We all have the right to pursue happiness, don’t we? My pursuit started off by just attempting to get out of the depression fog that grief instigated. I diffused Ylang Ylang (a mood boosting essential oil) for the first time during my grief and I re-discovered joy. I had been down for so many weeks that the experience of joy was so foreign that it stunned me. It was just a simple moment, one that I recognized and claimed as joy. I was sitting in the playroom and looking through my planner when my then six year old daughter came in and ran to me with excitement and a smile. She said something I don’t even remember but she hugged my neck and skipped away. As I watched her skip away, I realized I was smiling. I was smiling because I love that little girl and her joy in that moment made me feel delighted and glad for her. I had been in such a fog that I had forgotten what joy felt like.
At that moment, I realized I was desperate for joy. So my pursuit for happiness has shifted to a pursuit for joy. I now understand that the more moments of joy I recognize and experience the happier I am. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I am doing. If I recognize the joy in the moment it adds up to happiness. So, one reason I would get confused by the happiness is a journey not a destination quote is because it's backwards to my experience. From my experience when we seek joy, we find happiness.
Are you recognizing the joy on your journey? If you want to be more intentional about seeking and recognizing joy along your journey, it takes practice. We have a facebook community, Joy for Everyday Women, where we share inspiration and experience to encourage us to seek and claim our joy. We don’t need extraordinary experiences to be happy, just small meaningful ones. I hope you’ll join the group and claim your joys too.
Are you happy? Do you know how to be happy?
Happiness is a state of being that doesn’t just happen to us. It is the result of a life full of joyful moments. Therefore, we have to pursue it!
Though it originated with John Locke (English philosopher), Thomas Jefferson made famous the phrase “pursuit of happiness” when he included it in the Declaration of Independence. It’s ingrained in our American culture from the beginning. We have the right to happiness and so we pursue it. The Declaration of Independence doesn’t tell us how to pursue happiness though. That isn’t its purpose. Its purpose was to declare our independence and gain liberty. We are left to our own devices to figure out how to pursue happiness.
But have we figured out how to be happy? Take a look at mainstream media and follow the trail of money. We’ve decided things that give us short-term pleasure, immediate gratification, and success is what will bring us happiness. At the same time we have more disease, shallow relationships, and increased mental health issues.
Interestingly, John Locke’s book, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, that coined the phrase “the pursuit of happiness” was about the difference between “imaginary happiness and true happiness”. Unknowingly, I’ve been pursuing imaginary happiness. What about you? I’m switching gears now. It’s never too late!
On pursuit-of-happiness.org it’s explained that:
“the pursuit of happiness as envisaged by him [Locke] and by Jefferson was not merely the pursuit of pleasure, property, or self-interest (although it does include all of these). It is also the freedom to be able to make decisions that results in the best life possible for a human being, which includes intellectual and moral effort.”
So, in the origin of our nation, we just wanted to be free to be the best version of ourselves. I think we can summarize that happiness according to founders of our nation is actualized in part when we feel we are pursuing the best version of ourselves. It’s an intellectual and moral pursuit.
What we learn from John Locke is that the source of joy (then true happiness) comes from engaging in those things that lead us to the best versions of ourselves.
How often do you disappoint yourself? Me?, I do it all the time.
This week the kids are out of school. They have no added stress and can just be kids. I didn’t plan any activities and now they’ve spent most of the week watching TV and playing on tablets. I’m disappointed because I haven’t done a better job of helping them discover the motivation for non-screen activity. I’m disappointed because I don’t have the energy to do more.
2020 has been a year of disappointments and I sure as heck don’t need to set myself up for more disappointment in 2021. That is why I say, screw resolutions! I’m setting intentions instead!
I do like that the New Year brings an organic occasion to reset and start fresh, but,I have grown to reject the idea of a resolution. A resolution is similar to a goal and suggests there is an endpoint to achieve. This could be good for someone who needs to lose exactly 10lbs to fit into a dress for a party, but I think most of us set resolutions because we want our lives to be better or at least changed. Resolutions in my opinion are only good for short term trivial achievements, not real life, long-term growth and change.
Isn’t it true, too, that most people give up on their resolutions before February. When we don’t make the progress we thought we would or hit the mark we’ve set, it's easy to give up. Better yet, if we achieve the goal or resolution it’s done….over….complete. There is no need to keep on with the behaviors or actions that helped us achieve the goal.
I need something more inspiring than a short term goal or resolution to improve my life and experience the real change and growth I want to see. I need to define my intention.
An intention directs your mindset and attitude. With intention we connect with a deeper purpose that will impact us on an emotional level. When we strike our emotional chords, we have a greater chance for success. Intentions are not restricted. They are more open ended and more compatible to personal growth on a lifetime journey.
I’ve set my 2021 intention. Here it is….drum roll…….
I intend to have the energy to be happy.
I know it sounds a bit lofty, but I’m on a wellness journey to become the best version of myself. I’m seeking joy to find happiness. Many days I can just be exhausted and unmotivated and out of the routine of recognizing joy. With this intention, however, I am committing to working on my energy and my happiness.
When I set an intention I am also extending myself unending grace. Lord knows I need it. No two days are the same. Every decision I make impacts my energy and ability to be happy. I need to be able to reflect on the day and make adjustments to do better. Unlike a resolution, my progress with an intention can travel two steps forward and one step back. That is still progress, that is still success. Setting an intention puts me into the mindset that gives me that space to accept the chaos a day can bring and to know I haven’t lost any battle or war. It affirms that I have not failed. With a resolution, I either did or I didn’t. That is too rigid and will certainly set me up to disappoint myself. So, screw resolutions! I intend to have the energy to be happy!
What about you? Will you say, screw resolutions and set an intention for this year? Will you join me on a wellness journey to become the best version of yourself and realize happiness? That’s a genuine invite! Comment below, screw resolutions! And we can walk hand in hand in our intentions for 2021.
