no matter what, no matter when, no matter where
The bond between my sisters and I haven’t always been this strong. It’s been more like a roller coaster ride with missing tracks. There have been times when we were close and times we ignored each other. There were times when we had to take parental responsibilities for the other, and times were able to just be siblings. We loved and helped each other out, pissed each other off, and spent years apart……on purpose. We’ve hurt each other and performed some selfless acts of love for each other. Ups and downs and times apart.
Deanna and I spent years in high school in different circles. Not hating each other just not hanging out or bonding or really spending much time together at all. But when she got pregnant with my nephew, it was different. It was exciting and we talked more. I even ended up naming him:)
Believe it or not I spent years estranged from my mom and Randi because of deep hurt and retribution our family endured after decisions they made. When her son was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, that all mattered so much less.
Close family relationships weren’t really modeled to us. My parents had friends they partied with. That’s what I remember. And then they divorced when we were young. They didn’t spend much time with or talking to their siblings that we saw. We’ve been witness to more dysfunctional relationships than functional, that is for sure.
Despite all that, there is a connection between us. There is an innate desire and sense of responsibility to do what is right for each other. It’s this seemingly mystic connection that lets us put aside our feelings to support each other. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, those feelings became even stronger. In the last month of my mom’s life, it grew even stronger. During this last year of grieving, still stronger.
Reflecting on how we’ve loved and cared for each other through the highs and lows and even missing time, I realize that the strength in the bond we have right now is because when push comes to shove we’ve all shown up in love no matter what, no matter when, and no matter where.
The best gift our mother could have ever given us is each other. There isn’t a single other person on earth who knows who we come from and what its like to be us. This bond is a blessing to us.
Now we are finding joy in our sibling bond! I hope you can claim a joy like this too.