We’ve all been there, congratulating a newly pregnant mama and asking the age old question, “what do you hope it is?” You could line up 10 women and I am fairly certain at least 8 out of the 10 would respond by saying “we don’t care as long as they are healthy”
But what if they’re not?
I had a super healthy, normal pregnancy. No complications, all mine and sweet babes tests came back perfect. Besides the “all day sickness” my doctor repeatedly told me that my body was made for having babies. I only gained 18 pounds, labor and delivery was traumatic, but I also said it was worth it.
I was young when I had my son, 23 to be exact. Right when I thought I was finally getting the hang of being a mama to this bright eyed, 7lb 8oz sweet ball of perfection our world was flipped upside down. I was only a mama for 11 days when I learned that our new hectic life with a new born was about to get even more hectic. I remember holding him on my chest, when I called his daddy who was at work. I was choking on tears and saying “you have to come home right now. Chunks pediatrician called with his newborn screening results. I can’t move or breathe, please come home.”
The next few weeks after that we’re a blur. There was a lot of traveling to the children’s hospital, tests being ran, and so much information to be taken in. I felt like I was in a tunnel of white light when his specialist told us that he 100% did have cystic fibrosis. What he said after that, I couldn’t tell you. His lips were moving, but I heard no words. I felt nothing. I was completely numb.
From that day moving forward we had to adapt to a new ‘normal’ a completely new way of life. Looking back now, I don’t even remember what it was like to do life so carefree.
We all want our children to be healthy. But honestly, what if they’re not? When responding back with “we don’t care as long as they are healthy” are we taking into consideration who we are saying this to? Are we taking into consideration that this phrase may be a slap in the face to the mama who’s child isn’t healthy? Is my child damaged goods because he isn't healthy? Before him, I know I wasn’t taking it into consideration.
We pray for our children to be healthy, I pray for other children to be healthy. I pray no mama ever gets life altering news regarding their child’s life. That no mama gets looked in the face and told “this isn’t curable and the average life expectancy at this time is mid to late 30’s.”
What if they aren’t healthy? It doesn’t make them any less of a treasure, any less loved. You adapt, you pray and you cherish everyday.... even on the hard ones.
I choose to find the joy in my son, rather than the sorrow of his diagnosis.
I choose joy and believe that God placed such a sweet, kind loving soul in my life. Someone who saved me from myself, in the darkest of times.
I choose joy because I get to spend my days loving this little boy, creating memories and being his mama, healthy or not.
Randi Dawn
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